Persuasion
by Jasmin Kimura
Summary: He stared at me, his bright emerald eyes piercing mine with such intensity that my body trembled; and then after what seemed an eternity he spoke. " I'm half agony, half hope. Tell me that I'm not too late that such precious feelings are not gone for ever


**Hey guys taking this over from another author, i hope that you enjoy; please review and tell me what you think.**

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><p><strong><span>Persuasion<span>**

**Chapter One**

She hated routine, desperately wanted to escape from the mundane rituals of life. She was sick of it. Day in day out, pretending she was all right, everything was fine. She was scared that she had done it for so long that she had forgotten, forgotten how to live. Her life had been so consistent, and predictable, she longed for adventure, passion, arguments and the sound of china breaking. She longed for what she had, what she threw away what she yearned. They say you don't know what you have until you lose it, and her life couldn't be a more perfect example.

Its foolish how we humans always want more, there's is always something else we want, and our lives aren't ever good enough. It's something that we are born with, this insatiable need for more, whether its chocolate cake or money, we always need more. We may have the most amazing thing yet it's not enough, we begin to doubt it, could there be something better- someone better? It's here that we should say no, but we never do, we should be content with what we have, hasn't it made us happy?

That was her biggest mistake, the single thought of wanting more. Of believing that she was too good for Seattle, for listening and being persuaded that what she had with him was young love, a passing fancy that would wither away and die and that it wasn't worth passing the offer of a great university. She should have stayed with him, instead of being seduced by the lies of New York. For that's all they were lies, he was wise and knew that New York was a just a mirage. There was no glamour, no romance but it was depressing, grey and overcast especially when you had no one to sample the few thousand café's the city had. They told her she didn't need him that she could do so well in the big apple. How wrong they were, how stupid she had been. She had become the very specimen that she hated, the very model of a model of a woman, with no mind, a sheep that did as she was told and like a good girl nodded her head to everything that sounded nice. The kind of girl that didn't follow her own heart but was blindly led by what others thought was best. She had once had spirit and a mind of her own, he had helped her find herself, and without him she was once again confused and lost. She was unsure, but their relentless persuasions, telling her it was nothing that she could find someone better convinced her. She agonised over it now , not a moment passed in which she didn't fail to question her weak mind, what weak character she must be to have been persuaded when she knew her feelings; his feelings.

She was madly in love with him; he gave her something that scared and thrilled her. He had brought her to life and shown her things that she had never seen, made her feel things she had only dreamed of, and even after all that time her heart still belonged to him whether he wanted it or not. It was his. Cut her heart open and it was his name written all over it. If he could grant her one last wish and let her come see him, let her hold him just one more time, before she had to accept that there was nothing between them that it was done. She had caused this, and it was rightfully so that she should live with the heartbreak, some days she wished that the pain in her heart would kill her, but it never did. She welcomed death; there was no longer anything that she felt was worth living for. She had allowed herself to become this, she had caused this and she would end this. She thought that it would subside, her love for him she knew would never die but the pain, so excruciating and relentless and without mercy she had thought would lessen until it was a little more than a slight ache that would remain within her forever as would his memory. Yet again she was overly optimistic.

Her love for him grew, as the years, months and days passed she never forgot. Her love blossomed, and now stood so strong, and firm that nothing could shake her or reaffirm her feelings. Everything reminded her of him, the grass its green, dull and boring compared to his sparkling emerald eyes. The different shades of brown, red and orange autumn leaves created a mimic of his strange bronze hair, a mimic that couldn't compare to the original colour that was so unique. A colour that she had spent hours mixing out of her paints and even then what she had made was insulting and offensive. Never had she seen another man with such eyes, hair and smile. His smile made everything all right, that's all it took one smile or glance from him and everything was fine. He was perfection, faultless and complete he was the most beautiful creature she had ever laid eyes on, and he had been hers. For that she was eternally grateful for, to have spent time with him to have known him, it was a blessing in her eyes and for that she thanked god.

Often she found herself wondering if he had a family now, if he was married. What did his children look like? Without doubt they were beautiful. Who had he married? Did she make him happy? She hoped with all that was in her that he was happy, he deserved that. She wished that he led a joyous life with whoever he was with, however it would have been a lie if she claimed that the idea of him with another woman didn't hurt her. It tore her apart. If she could go back, she would change things, everything would have been fine, and she wouldn't have been feeling this agony.

It wasn't everyday she felt like this. His absence had sent into a sadness that she believed that she would never get out of but it was easier some days, when she was working or at her friends looking after her kids, their cries and laughter clouding her mind, this was her bliss and she treasured the hour or two a week that she could forget her life, what she had done and the bleak future ahead of her. No one even bothered to ask her what was wrong any more, it had become the usual, and no one wondered why she was quiet, why she didn't want to go out. In truth she didn't think that they even cared. Her father had been worried, but he too had given up on his daughter, unsure in what to do. Charlie wasn't a very emotional man who voiced his feelings but in the first month of...Edward's absence he had come to take his daughter back home scared that she would commit suicide or start using drugs. She refused, and adamantly kept put, she didn't want to face him, Edward's family lived in the same town her father did and she didn't want to accidentally come across him or his family. It took all of her acting skills to pretend that she was over it, that she had moved on and Charlie bought the lie eager to see his daughter normal again. But she knew that he knew she wasn't coping. She could tell by the way he spoke to her, looked at her, the look of pity that she had grown accustomed to.

She woke up that morning in her dingy apartment, the sun on her face, blinding her vision and causing her to squeeze her eyes tightly at the sudden light. She kicked the duvet off, grabbing her alarm clock off her bedside table. 8:15 am.

"Shit" she groaned dragging herself off her bed. She was late for work. Again. Mike was sure to fire her now; she had been late twice already this week. She walked to her bathroom, groggily and tripped over a bowl that was previously sitting defiantly in the middle of her path but now had been kicked under her bed.

"Fuck" she moaned picking herself off the ground. Today was clearly not her day. She made her way to the bathroom, her eyes cautiously glancing at the floor not wanting a repeat that led to visit to the hospital. She jumped in the shower, thinking of the excuse she could give Mike she couldn't lose another job, Mike's café didn't pay much but it helped with rent and was the only thing available due to her hectic school timetable and also due to the fact that half of the kids on campus needed jobs too. In truth waiting tables at Mike's was a gods send, she was incredibly lucky to find somewhere to work within a short distance of both the University and the block of apartments she lived in. Her mind was failing at coming up with a plausible explanation to tell Mike when she heard her phone ring. Unable to rush out to answer it she settled to shutting the water and hoping the person would leave a message.

"_Hi its Bella, I'm not here right now, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible,"_

Beep.

"Where the hell are you? Third time this week you're late! "

Fuck. It was Mike. Well there was her job gone she thought.

"I don't know what you think this is, just show up whenever you feel like it, well sorry but that's just not how it works here!" He shouted his gruff voice irritating her.

It was so different to Edward's voice...she shook her head; she didn't need this today.

"You know what don't even show up, you're fired!"

With that he hung up, causing her to sigh in frustration -what the hell was she going to do for rent now. She couldn't ask for more money from Charlie, she had already used up a lot of her father's money and even though he insisted that he was there for her whenever she needed anything she knew he was planning to propose to Sue soon. With engagement ring to pay for and a wedding by the look of things, Charlie was going to be strapped for money. Her mother was a similar story Renee had used up her money on a ludicrously expensive cruise for her and her latest boyfriend who had after said cruise dumped her. Renee was now practically broke, though she didn't admit it and was spending her days painting on the walls of her house listening to Debussy at ungodly hours claiming she had found her true vocation.

The phone rang again as she dried her hair causing her jump. One phone call was alarming, but two on the same day? Maybe Mike had changed his mind. Fat chance. Perhaps it was her landlord. Oh fuck that's all she needed now.

Beep.

"Bella, it's your father...just calling to say hi..." there was a pause and she smiled at her father's lack of words, she hadn't realised until that moment how much she had missed her father.

"I miss you, I haven't heard from you in a while, just wondering if your okay...it would be nice to hear from you time to time kiddo" he laughed, his warm laugh causing her to smile, the muscles strained unused to the now unfamiliar expression.

"So call...I love you"

Bella threw her now dried hair into a bun and grabbed her jeans from their unceremonious place on the floor, pulling them on quickly. She needed to go to Mike's and get her job back; she didn't care if she needed to beg. She could imagine his smug face, and she groaned knowing it would give him sort of satisfaction. She made herself a quick coffee, drinking at record speed the hot liquid burning g her tongue. Great she thought now she was going to be feeling that horrible burnt sensation the whole day. It was most definitely not her day. Grabbing her keys and phone she rushed out her shabby apartment, passing her cat that was lying on the sofa purring softly whilst it tried to press buttons on the television turning it off and on.

"Bye Louie" Bella called, pulling out the TV cable in case Louie chewed on it like the previous day.

She closed her door and sprinted down the stairs, the lift was broken and even if it had been working using the lift at her apartment was something you only needed to do if you were really rushing. Firstly there was seventy percent chance that it would break down during your journey, and secondly it was almost a guarantee to find someone passed out in vomit or piss. During the last six years of living there Bella had used her lift a total of two times. If anything she hated more than the life she had created for herself it was the block of apartments she lived in. Notoriously known for its crime, and less than moral activities Bella was always weary about when she came and left home. Her father, Chief of Police in her home town of Forks didn't know of his daughter's living situation as she had never mentioned it, knowing that Chief Swan would be far than understanding that she couldn't afford any other apartment.

Bella walked to Mike's not having money for the bus, she passed the usual shops and people, times like this when she began recognising the people on the street, the strangers around her, did she truly realise the mundane life she led. Even the animals around her seemed familiar- was that normal? She watched a young couple laughing together, both looking at each other with so much adoration and love that it radiated off them. She felt jealous, insanely jealous she wished she could be like them but in her heart she felt that she didn't deserve happiness that she would just mess it up. Fuck she thought, she didn't want to think like this today, just one fucking day why couldn't she just feel numb. She thought she was doing well today, but she just wanted to cry now, he still affected her after all this time and everything and anything could trigger a memory, or would cause an unbearable longing. He affected everything. Changed everything, her outlook of life had transformed since she had left him, everything was grey. She knew it was wonderful world around her but she couldn't see it, even as she walked to the café looking around her, she saw nothing, the crunch of the leaves as she walked was no longer a sound she cherished but something she despised, autumn held to many memories. She had met him at autumn. Formerly the world amazed her, made her wonder and gasp at its perfection but that's before she had found him. Nothing compared to his beauty from the sky down to sea he was beyond it all, she could only marvel and wonder at something when he was with her, and nothing else excited her. He was intriguing, the most fascinating man she had ever met, intellectually, emotionally and physically the man was interesting. She loved nothing best but picking his mind for hours on end, asking him question after question until she would grow tired and fall asleep. She wanted to know everything about him and he had granted her that wish as long as he also was given the same free reign over her mind. She had memorised everything about him, the exact colour of his eyes the gold flecks that mixed with green, the three freckles on his left cheek, the scar under his chin...

"Didn't you get my message?" growled someone from behind her. She turned around, bewildered, she was here already? She was so lost in thought that her feet had gone on auto pilot and had delivered the rest of her body safely to the café. Mike towered over his 6"2 frame slightly threatening compared to her slight one. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he looked down at her distaste evident, Mike had hated her ever since she had declined his offer to take her out. Considering he still bore a grudge over the simple fact that she wasn't interested in him Bella was lucky to still have her job.

"Yeah...I...did, about that I'm really sorry and I was wondering if I could have my job back?" she asked cautiously, her hands fiddling with the ring on her finger. She bit her lip nervously and looked up at Mike, praying that he would give her another chance.

Mike ran his fingers through his blond hair, an action that was so familiar to Bella and she found herself mesmerised for a second. She didn't know whether Mike had done always done this or if it was mannerism he had just picked up but the simple movement had paled her face. Edward used to do the same thing, when he was frustrated, she secretly loved it and often used to run her own fingers through his hair, relishing in the soft locks, her fingers twitched as Mike's dirty blond hair slowly transformed into the bronze hues of Edwards.

"Are you all right?" Mike asked his brow furrowed. Bella nodded and smiled up at him, in a way she hoped was reassuring.

"So...err about my job? Could I..." she asked clearing her throat, and squeezing her eyes shut praying that image of Edward would leave her mind.

"Yeah, yeah," Mike said dismissively. "But I swear Swan, if your late one more time-"

Bella interrupted him. "I won't be, I'll be on time every day." she promised, looking up at Mike, confused, what had changed his mind?

"Well go then, before I change my mind" he laughed. Bella laughed nervously with him and made her way to the kitchen, looking at Mike curiously from the corner of her eye. She had always expected Mike to be a bit bipolar, nice sometimes and then a second late complete ass hole and nut case but this was beyond any of his mood swings. Had he finally moved on? About time. She felt guilty as soon as thought that. Why was she having a go at Mike when she had pining over a man who she hadn't seen in six years? Because she loved him, but how did she know that what Mike felt for her wasn't only sexual attraction but something deeper. She was a hypocrite, she was doing the very same thing that those girls had done to her, what her father had told her, what her mother had insisted was a very foolish reason to give up New York. Perhaps Mike loved her like she loved Edward. She doubted it, but maybe Mike felt that she was the love of his life. Mike had the right not to move on; if he wasn't ready she had been doing the same thing for the past six years. Perhaps it was time to take a leaf out of Mike's book and move on; she couldn't live like this any more. Though she believed that he was the love of her life and that no one could ever replace or come close to replace Edwards permanent spot in her heart, hadn't she suffered enough? Perhaps this was god telling her that she had served her sentence, she could let it go. Yes she had fucked up, true she done royally but maybe now after all this time that she used to reflect on what she done and forgive herself just enough so that it allowed her to lead a semi normal life. He probably had forgotten about her by now. Six years is a long time after all. He probably forgot about her, maybe it had only been puppy love to him, even if he was heartbroken by now a man as handsome and lovely as him would have been made very happy. She was just a blip in his memories, a face with no name, a young relationship he probably had little memories off.

She wondered this throughout the day as she served the customers. Never before had she been so close to forgiving herself for what she done for the first time in six years she had truly made progress. Thinking that his pain and ended many years ago eased hers slightly, it was comforting to think that he no longer remembered her that she had been forgotten. For the first time in years she left Mike's feeling lighter, as if someone had lifted a heavy load off her back, but she didn't know how long this sudden euphoria would last. It was comforting yet threatening; she couldn't completely relax into it or enjoy it fully. It felt as if at any moment the load would be dropped back on to her back without warning and that would drag her down and crush far more than it had previously. But she didn't care; she tried to make the best of the moment. She had forgiven herself, even if only just a little. He was all right. He had probably forgotten. It was okay. She was going to be okay.


End file.
